Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Why play? CAN you play?

How did you first find out you enjoyed BDSM?

Did you think you were a little mentally "off"? That perhaps there was something not quite right? Did you try and speak to people, or friends, only to find them recoiling when you described what REALLY turned you on?

I never spoke to my friends. My discovery was all online. Initially triggered by someone's handle on a chat room, I asked my Mentor about it. But it was a boot up the arse when he barked You're not ready!! Holy shit, you can't challenge me like that and I dived into anything I could get my hands online and surfed, researched, chatted and hung out with anyone BDSM linked for 2 years before I had my first session. Not everyone is like me, but a majority start out online, as I rather suspect.
*wry grin*
But I digress. The fact is that most people think of BDSM, in all it's glory, as something only the deranged enjoy.

I beg to differ. I TOTALLY beg to differ.

It means a lot of things to different people. The myriad levels of BDSM play are endless. But did it ever occur to you that you'd have to be pretty sexually evolved to enjoy your fun things?

For a submissive, it takes a lot to push through, to acknowledge that heck, being tied up and being punished are joys. I want that to happen. Do me! Do me! And for Dom/mes.... to let loose and realise you're not being maniacal about wanting that power.

And that is not the end of it. Along with all that inhibition comes a very high level of self awareness and responsibility. You're going to have to be much more conscious about this than most.

Example :
My ex was totally vanilla until he met me. He took to being a top because he had a natural inclination towards that direction but when we took out the ropes, he tied the knots to ensure no escape. Which.... to a certain extent, was the entire purpose. But the knots got tighter the more they were pulled. This is Not Good.

Blood circulation is important. Goes without saying! You don't want to cause any nerve damage either. You have to make sure the knots will be secure BUT will be able to be undone in the blink of an eye. You have to ensure said knots can't be over any major arteries or veins. If you want secure knots that can't come undone, then you need a pair of "safety scissors" close at hand. And this is WITHOUT suspension coming into the picture. Now, how many people think THOSE things?

I like to use the word evolved. Evolved because you've come to terms with what you like; evolved because you can see past social conditions and embrace your OWN passions; evolved because self awareness is learnt with a conscious effort; evolved because you set your own limits and responsibility.

And what I don't appreciate are people who think they can learn BDSM in an hour.
*rolls eyes*
You might have the inclination but diving in without any thought shows a recklessness that shouldn't be encouragedl; not with the possibility of being physically hurt!

Perhaps I should do safety awareness classes. lol.


Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

immoral restraint said...

my "story" is pretty similar. the internet definitely was the catalyst for discovery, and by the time i felt ready to meet others in the scene, i's already "evolved" my then vanilla relationship into something a little less than vanilla.

and while i'm inclined to agree with your statement about people who "think they can learn BDSM in an hours", there continues to be a number of people, doms and subs, who jump into bdsm without much thought to self-preservation (or the preservation of other selves).

i hesitate to pass judgment on those who choose to play that way, and i must admit there is some illicit appeal to the wild abandon in which they play, but... it's also difficult to justify.

nice blog, and keep writing.