Saturday, 27 October 2007
Accept the wild wild internets
Accept that, after a while, you will probably have to go online to find a playmate. As a matter of fact, for BDSMers, it's practically a requirement lol
But I cannot warn you enough to always always always always always always ALWAYS always always use your common sense.
Take for example, this guy who wrote me, looking for a sub in Singapore. He was nice, fairly easy going, our email exchange was pleasant. Then on about the 4th email, he recommended that we play a game :
He wanted to give me his hotel room number, and I was to have gone up to his room, put on a blindfold, and let him have his way with me. WITHOUT MEETING. The meeting would have been after our "play time".
I cannot stress enough how stupid this is. As a female sub, meeting a male Dom? I mean, WHAT the FUCK was he thinking?
Physcially, as a sub, you will be restrained. If you meet the proverbial axe murderer, how do you suppose you'll escape? Ok, that's a long shot. Practically speaking, without knowing who this person is, how do you know he hasn't lied about what he liked BDSM wise?
He could have told you he likes mild spanking, but what's to prevent him from thrashing the daylights out of you? Pain thresholds are so very different. Even if it's not painful to him, it might very well be for you.
There was more. And I will share the gory details with you, if that's what you really want, but suffice it to say, if you ever come across some Top who asks the same sort of thing, run away! Run run FAR away!
From my previous experience, I've found that these same guidelines ran through all the magnificent Doms I've had the pleasure of serving :
When I first met them :
- there were no expectations, they recognised that respect & trust were earned
- they spoke to me as equals
- we only expressely moved into BDSM play when both were agreed and ready
- things were discussed before hand, whenever we wanted to try something new
- they all displayed remarkable manners and were exquisitely considerate before, during and after playtime
Fucktards I can recogise a mile away :
- people who expect you to submit to them just because they *say* they are a Dom
- people who call themselves a True Dom (please run away VERY VERY fast)
- people who expect you to apologise for THEIR bad manners, when they've been rude or condescending or just plain stupid. Being a Dom doesn't make you better. Being a Dom doesn't give you the right to push people around.
- people who expect submssives to be subservient in real life too (this is a HUGE mistake. Some of the best subs I have met are extremely strong personalities in their daily lives.)
What these Fucktards faily to realise is that as a Top, they need a bottom to complement them and to form a perfect oneness.... A whole being..... One perfect circle.... There is not one stronger partner, no one better, no one weaker.
So please, if you're online and looking for a play partner, DO use your head first. Someone who is coarse, ill-mannered, inconsiderate or just plain uncouth as a person will be an extremely poor play partner.
The same works the other way around for Tops. For example :
- Look out for bottoms who are wary, but polite (this shows they have good manners but aren't stupid about things)
- Considerate, but not a total doormat; so she knows how to add to the BDSM relationship but is able to hone that consideration to a love suitable for that of a Dom(me)
It really does boil down to how well you know yourself, and what you are willing to settle for. If you're silly as a submissive and allow someone obnoxious to walk all over you.... tsk tsk tsk...
I should smack you myself!