Friday, 13 January 2012

I need to talk more

I know I resurrected this blog as a sounding board for my thoughts and concerns. After being alone for so long, it is difficult for me to tell what is pertinent to submissives in general, and what is private to me.

However, I now face a dilemma : my Master is from the UK and when home, he has a small select circle he plays with. He also had a partner/girlfriend/sub who only played with him.

Now, I like to be posed in positions he finds the most pleasing. They tend to be revealing, to say the least lol. And in one of our earliest play dates, he took a series of pictures. Which I am perfectly happy with. Assuming they remained with him.

Alas, they were sent to his friend in the UK.

Then last week, during a series of bantering SMSs, he suddenly asked me "be honest, tell me your darkest fantasy". That made me pause for a bit and in the end, I just shared that I fantasize about being displayed and used in a public setting. A fairly cursory one-liner. And yes, I find out he's shared this with the couple in the UK.

Granted, the only way I found out about this was because Master had voluntarily told me. He thought it was fun, that he had this exchange thing going on.

But.... Hello? I let you take pics assuming they would stay with you only? I'm also glad I held back on giving you specific examples on darkest fantasies because now I feel like I'm dating 3 people : Master, his friend, and his friend's wife/sub. And I don't feel good.

What do you do when you trust someone not to kill or physically harm you but cannot trust them with your head and heart? As his submissive, I will be very vulnerable to Master. I don't want to give him the power to hurt me.

The problem, I think, lies in the fact that we played so quickly. We know we're compatible BDSM wise. But are we compatible in the normal sense?As people in day-to-day lives? HHhhmmmm. Something to think about.

I'm seeing him tonight. Most unexpectedly. We were scheduled to meet only this Sunday. I've been wondering how to bring this up and I am at a loss on how to talk to him about this....

Dammit, I'm loosing my powers of *normal* communication now lol

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