Sunday, 18 February 2007

Mixed thoughts

One thing good has come out of my attempt to reach some local kinksters. I've been pointed in the right direction and have managed to rejoin the local group.

I have mixed feelings about this.

Because it's on Yahoo360, when I joined up I sent out a hello note. Just a dip of the toe, you might say. And amazingly enough, there are already 4-5 people who've replied to welcome me back. Welcome me BACK. That's right. Same people still hanging around.

I'm glad on the one hand.
It'll be easier to slip back into my interests. My errant boyfriend seems not too concerned with the amount of time I am left on my own. So since I have time, I'm going to pursue my interest in BDSM again.

Oh, I'm not looking for a fuck buddy or anything like that. But to be a part of the community once more? Help to guide newbies along? A friendly face if you're genuine? Yes, I actually do miss that bit. It's always a blessing to be amongst like-minded people where you can let your guard down. You don't have to watch what you say. And you know other people appreciate whatever reactions flit across one's face.

When I was active last time, I would support not only the munches but the private parties as well. The private parties were.... not as safe as the munches. lol. Well, safe is not the right word! Clean cut, would be more accurate. But I never participated. Just watched. I felt comfortable playing only with my partner and since I'd invaribly attend alone, I never deigned to participate.

But the primary factor which drove me away were the wanna-bes.
For some reason, we seemed to atract a shitload of people who thought BDSM was cool. Cool. Holy shit, this isn't a fad. It's not FASHIONABLE to be a sub. You're doing it for all the wrong reasons! You submit because you want to! Because you crave it! Because it gives you a freedom you can never get anywhere else!

So I left in frustration, one might say.
Rather stay low, opt out, and remove myself from these irritants than endure the shallowness of it all. I must confess I felt rather insulted and offended to be in the same category as these wanna-bes.

Therefore it's with a sense of trepidation that I approach this month's munch. Will I see more wanna-bes? Will there be familiar faces? Will I have to sit amongst complete strangers and PR / be sociable? I find networking troublesome and tiresome and it wears me out. Will it be worth it this time around?

I certainly hope so :I

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