Wednesday, 11 April 2007
Trying to organise the munch has certainly made me think a lot more about why I enjoy BDSM.
I've been out of it a long time.
About 3 years now.
Initially, it's been because my current partner is not based in Singapore and because things got serious, I remained faithful to him. But the last 6 months have..... well.... to cut a long story short, I need to revive my own interests. He may not be here, I may not be exactly looking for Dom partner, but the last I can start off with is to get in touch with the local community.
And tomorrow's munch and my contact with a few people has made me journey inwards. Sort of a step back to my roots. To rediscover why I enjoy this. Why do I enjoy submission? What is this all about anyways?
We start off, as in all good stories, at the beginning.
I had/have a tendency to date dominent men (NOT to be mistaken for DOMINEERING men) and wondered why this was so. And I realised my rockbottom desire was, in certain circumstances, to be able to be free. Free! What a wonderful word!
Free from always being in charge of myself, of being in control.
Free from personal responsibilities.
Free from holding myself in and watching my surrounds/environment and the people around me.
Free of the walls that social conditioning builds up in me.
I once went out with someone who wanted his woman to be totally dependant on him. He didn't want his woman to work, just stay home and look after him. This was when I had just started working for real. My own money, my own apartment, my own job, my own life. And I distinctly remember telling him Then why are you with me? I'm a modern woman! I still remember him, after 13 years. And as always, hindsight is 100% correct. He could see the core of me. It would be a year or two later that I would discover who this was going to be manifested.
No, I'm not a gold-digger!
But the point is that my core as a submissive is the freedom that comes when you surrender. When you give up control. When your environment, your desires, your sensations and emotions...... your very being.... is given up as an offering to someone who will take it, hold it, treasure it, mould it and protect it.
It's not called a Power Exchange for nothing.